So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
