Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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