We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
