i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You don't make any sense
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