dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Drunk is not a location!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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