I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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