Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
