i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
