Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
