his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
