I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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