This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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