What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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