True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
