I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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