note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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