i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
