i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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