The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize