Im at strip club and am horny
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize