He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
