I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I intend to get homeless drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
