She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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