Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
