I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
