I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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