The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
