Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
