Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude i'm inner monologue high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
