Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
