I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
