For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
