Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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