At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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