Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
