oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
