After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
