I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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