I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
