Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
