He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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