Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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