God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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