my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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