I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize