Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
