I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
