he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
