That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
