So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
