shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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