my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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