capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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