There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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