HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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