Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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