omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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