Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
