You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
