I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
