I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
