Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
