its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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